Three ways you can shift the mental load

It’s no big secret that some women are left to do a lot of the work in the home, whether they be a SAHM or out in the workforce. Automatically our brains are full of information from knowing what’s in the fridge and pantry to what activities our kids go to after school. Not to mention pickups, childcare, playdates, parties and family events that crop up each and every week.

So why is it that women take on all this information and the management of it while most men seem to…just not? And how can we ask our partners to step up without feeling like we’re mother to them as well as our kids!

NOTE: We are not saying that all men, husbands, and partners are like this, just a few.

Mental load

Not only do women manage the home, but they’re also expected to ‘ask for help’ when they need it. And while that is a good idea if say, you need a hand changing your tire, you shouldn’t have to ask for help every night when the dishes need doing.

Some men, though they may be fantastic husbands and fathers may have preconceived notions of what is ‘women’s work’ and what is the ‘man’s domain’. This may sound cliche or hard handed but the truth is for a lot of women, this is the reality. Even at this day in age.

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Shifting the load

Make a list

Take stock of everything that needs to be done. Take some time to do this, and make a list of everything that needs to be thought about whether or not it’s daily, weekly or only sometimes. Write it down, or put it on a spreadsheet – whatever works! And go through each item one by one and give that job to you or your partner. If neither of you takes it on – strike it from the list.


Give them control of the items on their list. No one likes a micromanager so if you ask him to cook the dinner, let him cook. Don’t watch over his shoulder or offer your advice. If he needs it, he’ll ask either you or Google.

Make them part of the solution

If a situation crops up and you don’t have the time or headspace to deal with it, share it with your partner and specifically ask them to deal with it. I know this sounds like you’re asking for help, but by offering them the chance to ‘solve the problem’, you’re shifting that worry and stress over the situation to him, so you can concentrate on what you need to.


Originally posted 2017-11-23 15:19:09.