How to raise your children with your ex

Divorces and separations can be difficult and messy. If you add a child or two into the mix they can become even messier. Just because you and your ex do not get along does not mean your children should have to suffer or feel as if they need to pick sides.

Make your relationship with your ex healthy and completely focused on your children.

Have a third party mediator

This person can be a counsellor, or social worker. They can help mediate any face to face meetings between you and your ex-spouse. Never use another family member for friend, this may cause some bias towards one parent.

Develop an exchange plan

In this plan list and describe specific times and public places for exchanging the children, (example at the library every Friday at 3pm). Make sure this plan also includes informational for cancellations, sicknesses of the child etc.

Limit communications to only what is necessary

Try not to communicate more than exchange plans and other important things pertaining to the children. A notebook can be passed back and forth between homes to communicate any important information such as homework assignments, hurling game schedule, new dietary issues, etc.

Remind your children they have two parents who love them

If the children dont’ feel like going to you ex’s remind them that “Even though mum and dad aren’t married any more you both still love you and are good parents.”

Maintain a business-like relationship with your ex

It’s important not to express anger towards your ex in front of your children. Do not make the children think they need to pick a side or parent. Also make sure they don’t feel stuck in the middle.

Help your kids anticipate changes in their schedule

Some weekend your child might be going to your ex’s and some weekends they might be staying home. Make sure your child understands there could be changes to these plans.

Encourage your younger child to adhere to their parenting time schedule

Being consistent with a parenting routine will help your younger children feel secure. Make sure to pack important personal items, baby doll, blanket, etc. The more general items such as nappies, bibs, and clothes should be kept at both houses.

Keep the spotlight on your children and their best interests

You and your ex may not get along with one another, but you both still love your children. Keep in mind that your ex is your child’s other parent and deserves respect simply because of this fact. Have your child spend time with your ex-spouse’s extended family as well to gain more of a sense of family.

maternity & infant

Originally posted 2016-04-04 14:10:36.