Five ways to deal with toddler meltdowns

We’ve all been there. In my case it was the middle of Ikea in Dublin, when my little girl decided she would throw the mother of all toddler meltdowns – over what, I actually can’t remember. But the situation quickly spiralled out of control until we had no choice but to carry her, kicking and screaming, all the way to the carpark. Believe me, you don’t know how big Ikea is until you’re walking through it with a three year old clawing at your face.

Toddler meltdowns are pretty much inevitable. They can vary hugely between children, but it’s rare to find a child who doesn’t go through at least a short stage of bad tantrums. How you react to those meltdowns, however, can play a significant part in diffusing a serious meltdown and perhaps even help your child get through this phase quickly. As with everything else in parenting, in the case of toddler meltdowns “this too shall pass”. In the meantime, here are five strategies to help you get through a meltdown.

Stay calm

It’s important to remember that you’re the adult here and that you should stay calm and in control. Even if you’re mortified and your blood is boiling, show no emotion and keep your voice low and firm. Even better, ignore the tantrum as much as possible, and if he realises he’s not getting attention, often the meltdown diffuses quickly. You also need to realise that sometimes toddlers can’t control their emotions as easily as you, and can frighten themselves if their emotions spiral out of control.

Be consistent

A lot of meltdowns happen because a child feels confused or insecure. This is where a good regular routine comes in. If a child knows what to expect and when, they are immediately more calm and better behaved. If you do need to make a change, warn your child in advance to prepare them. That consistency should also extend to discipline, so the child understands that they get one warning and then a timeout, or whatever method you prefer.

Avoid obvious triggers

While we are not advocating changing your life to suit your toddler’s every whim, it is helpful when he’s going through a bit of a “stage” to be midful of some obvious triggers that could set your toddler off. For instance, when he’s hungry or tired mightn’t be the best time to go clothes shopping in town. Or to start out on a long journey when it’s coming up to his mealtime. Let’s face it, all of us are in danger of a strop when we’re hungry or tired.

Distraction works

Toddlers have short attention spans – make the most of this! If your child is pushing the buttons by kicking the back of the seat over and over, even after you’ve asked him to stop, distraction might help diffuse an inevitable meltdown. Suggesting another activity or even moving to a different room can help distract them from the activity that is causing the issue.

Acknowledge their frustrations

It can be frustrating and confusing for a toddler to be faced with all these rules and regulations, and it’s natural for them to push back as a result. By saying something like “I know you’re angry, but we have to do xxx”, you’re validating their frustrations yet setting the limits. Another strategy is to offer your child choices, which in a way can be a compromise. For instance, allowing him to bring a favourite teddy on a long journey.

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