12 things that happen after childbirth

You bleed. A lot

One of the bonuses of pregnancy is not having periods. Few people tell you that as soon as you give birth, you get all nine you missed at once (as if labour wasn’t punishment enough). For the first couple of weeks, your newborn won’t be the only one wearing nappies in your house!

You will cry as much as your newborn

It’s called the baby blues. It’s hormones. It’s normal. If it goes on for longer than a few weeks, please go and see a doctor.

A week feels like a month

So when people say ‘it starts getting better at 12 weeks’, you think you might sob. And speaking of tears…

You will resent your other half

Because he gets to go to work and go to the toilet whenever he wants…NOT FAIR

When he calls to say he has to work late, you will have a nervous breakdown

Like, even 20 minutes late is enough to send you over the edge.

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You wonder if you actually like your baby

Which is totally normal given that all it does is shit, vomit and pee on you. What’s not to like?

Your boobs develop a mind of their own

Sometimes, you will actually start lactating when your baby cries. Which is a super power nobody ever asked for.

But they might not

Breastfeeding is hard. It does not always come naturally. Go easy on yourself not everybody can do it.

Going to the loo becomes the most unnatural thing in the world

Yes, this piece is mostly about how labour totally messes up your vagina.

Your hair might fall out

Yet another great reward for basically SACRIFICING EVERYTHING.

You have stretch marks and scars

And that’s ok because they are proof of everything you have been through.

And best of all, none of this matters

Because your body has done an amazing thing, and you should be proud of it.