You bleed. A lot
One of the bonuses of pregnancy is not having periods. Few people tell you that as soon as you give birth, you get all nine you missed at once (as if labour wasn’t punishment enough). For the first couple of weeks, your newborn won’t be the only one wearing nappies in your house!
You will cry as much as your newborn
It’s called the baby blues. It’s hormones. It’s normal. If it goes on for longer than a few weeks, please go and see a doctor.
A week feels like a month
So when people say ‘it starts getting better at 12 weeks’, you think you might sob. And speaking of tears…
You will resent your other half
Because he gets to go to work and go to the toilet whenever he wants…NOT FAIR
When he calls to say he has to work late, you will have a nervous breakdown
Like, even 20 minutes late is enough to send you over the edge.
You wonder if you actually like your baby
Which is totally normal given that all it does is shit, vomit and pee on you. What’s not to like?
Your boobs develop a mind of their own
Sometimes, you will actually start lactating when your baby cries. Which is a super power nobody ever asked for.
But they might not
Breastfeeding is hard. It does not always come naturally. Go easy on yourself not everybody can do it.
Going to the loo becomes the most unnatural thing in the world
Yes, this piece is mostly about how labour totally messes up your vagina.
Your hair might fall out
Yet another great reward for basically SACRIFICING EVERYTHING.
You have stretch marks and scars
And that’s ok because they are proof of everything you have been through.
And best of all, none of this matters
Because your body has done an amazing thing, and you should be proud of it.